Your body after baby loss
As a psychotherapist, my work predominantly consists of words - using words to communicate emotions, feelings, thoughts and stories. I have been reading Gabor Maté’s (2012) fascinating book ‘When the Body Says No – the cost of hidden stress’, and it has really got me thinking about my work…
Your loss is the worst in your world!
If you feel your loss is the worst in the world, that is because it is! Your loss is the worst in your world!
Often in our attempt to live with our loss (whatever it may be), we minimise it when speaking with others, and even tell ourselves ‘at least…’; ‘it could have been worse…’
BabyLoss Awareness Week 2021
Day after day this week, I have been sitting with women as they navigate what Baby Loss Awareness Week means for them. Some embrace it, others do not wish to engage, and others dislike it. This year in particular, I have noticed a shift away from wanting to participate and engage. ..
Mental Health in Pregnancy, Postnatal and Pandemic with an Experienced Psychotherapist
A little while ago, I spoke about maternal mental health for Nissa’s @the_hypnobirthing_midwife ‘Hypnobirthing Mums Club’.
Mother’s Day thoughts
We all have different relationships to Mother’s Day.
Whatever your relationship to Mother’s Day, I am thinking of you 💗
Whether you... are mothering, are a mother who has lost a child, are being mothered, find Mother’s Day difficult, are becoming a mother, have lost a mother, are yearning to be a mother, are step-mothering, are mothering without your child…
Some thoughts on grieving
Why do we assume that if we keep ourselves busy in grief, we will at some point collapse emotionally? Why do we try and encourage loved ones to seek therapy/help if they return to work or normal life ‘too soon’? Who is the ‘too soon’ for?
Miscarriage and Post Traumatic Stress
Pregnancies that end before 12 weeks gestation are wrapped in layers of loneliness. The women I see in my practice are grieving the loss of their unborn baby and the hopes and dreams bestowed upon the child of their future. But, being before the societally normative time of sharing the news, the loss of this pregnancy is shrouded in alone-ness. ‘No one knew I was pregnant, so I didn’t tell anyone when the pregnancy ended.’
You don’t know what's going on…
I was chatting with a friend recently, and we were discussing awareness of our privileges - financial status, skin colour, culture, children/no children, sexuality, job/work, ethnicity, mental health, gender... (this list is by no means definitive, or in any particular order of hierarchy).
Fancy a cuppa?
Having grown up in Australia and coming to the UK in my mid teens, I remember being somewhat bemused by characters in ‘Casualty’ and ‘The Bill’ offering cups of tea whenever bad news was delivered. To me it didn’t make any sense – why would a ‘cuppa’ help if you have just received devastating news?
Helping a friend in emotional distress
A friend recently asked me how and where they could refer another friend for therapy. I have since been reflecting on the role of friendship and its significance for our emotional wellbeing. As women, we spend our lives fostering friendships, working on these special relationships. They endure break ups, funerals, births and weddings - life! We share many of our most intimate thoughts and feelings with our closest friends.
Postnatal Depression
I recently read an article in the guardian about the silence surrounding postnatal depression, and how we would rather chat about our babies, whilst struggling to talk about the exhaustion, responsibility and how overwhelmed we are. There seems to be an assumption, not only amongst new mothers, but society in general, that we are supposed to be gloriously happy when our baby is born, and if we do not experience this joy, there is something wrong with us!
Your body after loss
This coming week, I’m going to be guest-hosting a twitter chat. It is the weekly #BabyLossHour, a regular space created by Jess (@TheLegacyOfLeo ) for those affected or invested in all things Baby Loss to meet, chat and discuss. I have been doing lots of thinking, reflecting and researching in preparation for this. Below are a few of my thoughts.