Some thoughts on grieving

Grieving – is it ok to grieve busily? 

 Why do we assume that if we keep ourselves busy in grief, we will at some point collapse emotionally? Why do we try and encourage loved ones to seek therapy/help if they return to work or ‘normal life’ too soon? Who is the ‘too soon’ for?

In his book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David Kessler talks about ‘practical grieving’, as one of many different ways of grieving. He emphasises that we should never assume that if someone has filled their life with busy-ness that they loved the deceased any less than someone who is visibly crumpled and tearful. 

The way someone grieves publicly has no correlation to how deeply they cared for that person, and being busy is not an indicator of whether someone is processing their grief or not. If before grief someone filled their life with events, work etc, it is possible they will do so in grief too. 

 For some people, busy-ness in grief is a denial or distraction, but maybe that is OK too? If you are concerned for yourself or a loved-one, ask how you/they are. If being busy is what feels right for you at that time, then it probably is OK. If you wish you could slow down, take a pause, then maybe this is an indication that the busy-ness is no longer what you need. 

Grief is a wholly unique expression of sadness for a loved one, and there is no one way to express or experience this.